World Mental Health Day takes place each year on October 10th and is a reminder that mental health affects people of all ages. When a child struggles, adults naturally want to make them feel better. They do so by offering advice, finding solutions and convincing the child that the situation is not as bad as they feel it is.
To honor this year’s World Mental Health Day theme, “Lived Experiences Heard: Real Voices, Real Change,” Boys Town New England encourages parents to listen first and without any judgment.
“A young person may not need us to immediately solve the problem. They may first need to know that someone believes them and can handle hearing the truth,” said Dr. Christopher Blank, a psychologist at Boys Town. “How we respond in that first moment can determine whether they continue talking or decide to shut down.”
Recognizing Emotional Distress in Children
Emotional distress does not always look like sadness. Parents should look out for:
- Anger
- Irritability
- Exhaustion
- Withdrawal
- Physical complaints
- Declining grades
- Changes in sleep and appetite
Parents should pay closer attention when these changes are intense, continue for several weeks or interfere with daily life.
Being There When Children Open Up
When a child opens up, parents may immediately react in ways that can cause the child to feel dismissed. Instead of offering immediate advice or pointing out the positive, parents and caregivers should:
1. Listen First, Fix Second
Give children the space to share how they feel before rushing to offer advice or point out the positive.
2. Respond with Support
Simple phrases like “I’m glad you told me” or “That sounds really difficult” let children know they are heard and did the right thing by opening up.
3. Ask What They Need
Try asking, “Do you want me to listen, help you find a solution or both?” or “What would make you feel supported right now?”
4. Include Them in Decisions
Parents can ask children who they would feel comfortable talking to, what has helped them before and what they wish adults understood.
5. Ask Directly When Concerned
If a child shows warning signs like hopelessness, ask whether they have thought about suicide or self-harm. Asking does not put the idea in their mind but gives them a chance to get help.
Supporting Mental Health by Making Listening a Priority
When children open up about how they are feeling, parents do not need to have the perfect words right away. By staying calm, taking their feelings seriously and offering support, rather than quick advice, adults can help children navigate hard emotions and feel safe coming to them.
The Boys Town National Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Parents and teens can call 800-448-3000 or text VOICE to 20121 to speak with a trained counselor about themselves or someone they are worried about. Immediate, confidential crisis support is also available by calling or texting 988.