October is National Bullying Prevention Month, a time to pay attention to the quieter signs children can exhibit when they are being bullied. When a child is being bullied, they may not outwardly express it. Instead, they may complain of a stomach ache before school, pull away from spending time with certain friends or suddenly quit an activity that they once enjoyed.
To honor National Bullying Prevention Month, Boys Town New England is helping parents pay closer attention to these often overlooked signs that a child may be struggling and create a comfortable environment where children feel safe to ask for help.
“Children do not always come home and say, ‘I’m being bullied,’” said Zach Myers, Ph.D., child and adolescent psychologist at the Boys Town Behavioral Health Clinic. “They may say they hate school, that no one likes them or that they do not want to go to practice anymore. Those smaller comments and changes can be an invitation for parents to look a little closer.”
Why a Child May Stay Quiet
There are many reasons that a child may not report bullying. They may be feeling embarrassed, blame themselves, believe that the bullying will get worse, or worry that their parents will contact the school or other families.
Another reason a child may not speak up is that they worry about getting their phone taken away. Social media, gaming platforms, and group chats are all important parts of many children’s friendships. Children may associate asking for help with losing their phone and these connections altogether, causing hesitation to speak out.
Signs Parents May Be Missing
Parents should pay attention to patterns such as:
- Avoiding school, practice or social activities.
- Frequent headaches, stomachaches or requests to stay home.
- Sudden changes in friendships, grades, sleep or appetite.
- Becoming upset or secretive about a phone or social media.
- Losing interest in activities the child previously enjoyed.
- Saying they feel unwanted, embarrassed or alone.
A single change does not always mean a child is being bullied. However, several changes at once or behavior that continues over a period of time deserve a closer look.
What Parents Should Say First
When a child opens up, the instinct to fix the problem right away is a natural feeling for parents. Before taking action, Dr. Myers recommends that parents should instead say:
1. “I’m glad you told me.”
Let the child know they did the right thing by opening up.
2. “This is not your fault.”
Reassure them that the behavior is not a reflection of them.
3. “What has been happening?”
Give them space to share what has happened before providing guidance.
4. “What would help you feel safer?”
Let them lead the conversation in what they need.
5. “Let’s decide what to do together.”
Let them know their voice matters in what comes next.
Taking The Next Step
Parents should avoid promising to keep the situation a secret. Instead, they should be upfront about who may be involved and reassure the child they will be included in the process. Keeping a record of incidents, saving screenshots, and identifying trusted adults at school are all ways to make a difference.
When additional help is needed, the Boys Town National Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Parents and teens can call 800-448-3000 or text VOICE to 20121 to speak with a trained counselor about themselves or someone they are worried about.