Leading with Love: My Foster Parent Journey

Every child deserves love. That’s my simple answer when people ask why I became a foster parent. 

Over the last 10 years, I’ve fostered 23 children through respite care, temporary placements and long-term care. I’ve become the guardian for two kiddos that are adults now — one in college and another who has had a child of his own — and I have adopted my now daughter who was another foster child.

So I’m currently the single parent of my 9-year-old son and 15-year-old daughter. They keep me young, on the go and always learning more to become the best version of mom I can be. Typically, I have a few foster kiddos in our home as well, but at the moment it’s just us three enjoying the recent adoption and bonding with my daughter.

The longer answer is that my foster care journey began long before I became a foster parent.

Giving Back to the System

I was in foster care from the age of 9 until I was 18. Always in the back of my head, I knew I wanted to give back to the system I grew up in.

The opportunity arrived out of the blue. A family member was struggling and their two young children were removed from their care.

For me, it was a no-brainer. They were coming to live with me. I knew my heart was in the right place, but it was quite a change going from being a 23-year-old with no kids to taking in an 8-month-old and a 3-year-old.

Boys Town was involved right away and their support was tremendous. They were there to help guide me through the process of becoming a licensed foster parent and they continue to help guide me to be the best version of a parent I can be.

Becoming a Foster Parent

The process of becoming a foster parent can seem overwhelming, but for me it went quickly.

There is a background check at the local and federal levels. I had my fingerprints taken. They asked me a bunch of questions about myself, such as how I grew up and why I wanted to be a foster parent. They reviewed my family history. They did a study of my actual home, including the layout of the house.

Training lasted 12 weeks. I went for two nights every week for a couple of hours after work. It was really helpful, with plenty of tips about how to respond to different situations.

Support for Every Step

You find out quickly that you never have to foster alone. I have a Boys Town Family Support Specialist. We text sometimes daily, sometimes weekly. She comes out once a month, but also as I need her. Whenever things arise, she’s my first go-to for questions. She’s great at pointing me to resources and if she doesn’t know, she finds out.

I’m also in a group chat with a couple of Boys Town foster moms. When I need someone to talk to, I can go to them. Boys Town offers yearly events for foster parents and it’s a great way to network and meet other foster parents.

A lot of people at Boys Town have been doing this work for a long time. I love that they offer monthly training because we don’t know it all. I started learning about trauma-informed parenting and that’s been very helpful.

Parenting is and should always be evolving, and I think Boys Town takes that approach.

Welcoming a Child Home

When I bring a new foster child home, I like to start with a blank slate. The first step is usually going shopping with them to pick out bedding and posters for their room. Everyone has their own personality. Sometimes I think I know what a kid is going to pick out, and they totally surprise me. 

The first couple of days are about getting to know each other. It’s important to understand that they’re going through trauma because they have been removed from their home or another foster home. They’re in a new place with new people. Sometimes they are encountering new foods or a new culture.

Things can feel foreign for them and scary. I want to try and ease that discomfort, but I also know I cannot take it away and we have to work through it together. It’s very important to lead with love and compassion, and just give them space.

Helping to Break Cycles

As a foster parent, I'm not just raising children. I'm changing the trajectory of lives, breaking cycles, creating safe spaces, and building a legacy where love, stability and opportunity become the norm instead of the exception.

Because being a parent and a foster parent means something bigger than raising children. It's choosing to show up, even for children whose stories started long before they ever met you. It’s not giving up when things get tough, and they will, because simply put, trauma.

And maybe I won’t get to see the full impact of these choices today or even while they're growing up. Maybe it won't be until they're adults, raising families of their own, that the little things begin to show.

The family dinners, the traditions, the consistency, the way we communicate, handle disagreements, apologize and show up for one another. Maybe those seemingly ordinary moments become the foundation for how they love, parent, and build their own families someday.

Because breaking generational cycles isn't always about one big moment; sometimes it's about the little things we do every single day that shape the generations that come after us.

Sharing in Their Successes

There are so many moments in foster parenting that stay with you. One of my favorites is about a brother and sister who came to live with me. The sister said that she didn’t think she would graduate high school. She didn’t see herself going to college. She thought, “I’m in foster care. This is just a bed until I turn 18.”

I eventually became the guardian for both siblings. I’m proud to say that she graduated high school with honors. She’s in college. She is getting her degree to be an elementary school teacher. It’s amazing to see this girl go from being hopeless to being in college. That’s incredibly rewarding.

As parents and foster parents, we aren't always going to get it right. We're going to stumble, make mistakes, and have moments where we wish we had handled things differently. But I believe that if you lead with love, have an open heart and a willingness to learn, grow and understand what each child needs, you can make a lasting difference. It's not about being a perfect parent; it's about being a present, intentional one who never stops trying.

Seeing Yourself as a Foster Parent

If you’re thinking about becoming a foster parent, start by asking yourself these questions:

●       Do I have the capacity to love a child unconditionally?

●       Am I in a good space mentally and emotionally to handle the trauma of the children I want to foster?

●       Do I have room in my home?

●       Do I have a support system?

If the answers are yes, everything else can be figured out. What I tell those on the fence is that it’s like raising your own children. At the end of the day, we’re all human. You don’t have to know everything, and you don’t have to be perfect. Give yourself grace.

The good news is you don’t have to feel like you’re on an island all by yourself. Having a strong support system, being willing to ask for help, and recognizing that we don't have to have all the answers are just as important. Boys Town is there to bridge that gap.

That kind of support can make all the difference, especially when so many children are still waiting for a foster home. A lot of foster kids go to homeless shelters, and there have been reports of foster children being in hotels with 24/7 supervision from state officials due to the lack of homes and/or shelters with space.

If you feel it in your heart to help, help is needed. The love for the children is needed — desperately. I would say don't wait for “tomorrow” — call now. I encourage you to learn more. Just know the resources are there for you and the Boys Town support system is ready.

A decade later, my “why” is still the same: every child deserves love.

To learn more about foster parenting, contact Boys Town at 800-217-3700 or www.boystown.org/fostercare